


Alvis and the Case of the Broken Fourth Wall

by Silver33650



Category: Xenoblade Chronicles, Xenoblade Chronicles 2 (Video Game)
Genre: Breaking the Fourth Wall, Canon derailment, Completionist Angst, Crack, Gen, Humor, I Don't Even Know, Implied Relationships, Inspired by Real Events, M/M, Meta, Other characters mentioned - Freeform, Self-Aware Video Game Characters, Side Quests, Swearing, Video Game Mechanics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-22
Updated: 2020-10-22
Packaged: 2021-03-08 17:35:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,824
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27150499
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Silver33650/pseuds/Silver33650
Summary: In which there is a great disturbance in the Passage of Fate and Alvis finds himself going to Great Lengths to stop it. Featuring a healthy dose of spoilers for both games, mocking various characters, and poking fun at RPGs & fanfiction in general.
Comments: 6
Kudos: 26





	Alvis and the Case of the Broken Fourth Wall

It was nearly the end of the game, and Shulk was beginning to feel anxious. Not because he had died (again, apparently), or because the goddess of the machina had died, but because Fiora, in her short time as Lead Party Member, had _saved the game._

This was a huge problem, as Shulk had had a number of quests lingering with the terrifying clock icon next to it, and he was quite sure that time had now run out. He had been rather lax in keeping up on them, because the plot had gotten quite Interesting as of late, and he had not been able to help himself from pushing through area after area in the hopes that the next cutscene would finally provide some fucking Answers. And yet, as they had proceeded into the Mechonis Core, there had been that strange feeling. It was not, as he had thought at the time, that he was not in control of his actions; that was really quite funny, now. He was a video game character; he had _never_ been in control of his actions. All along, that feeling had been that he was approaching a Point of No Return. And now it had passed, and the game had been saved. 

He laughed. Perhaps being dead was all fine and dandy after all. 

  
Alvis heard Shulk's laughter and knew it was about time to make his entrance. He was quite pleased that things were proceeding at a breakneck pace. All he had to do was get Shulk out of this funk, play along with Zanza until the heroes showed up, and then proclaim the end. Easy. 

Shulk was now near tears. "Everything I did was-"

"Do you want to say, pointless?" Alvis said. 

Shulk looked up. "No," he said. "I was going to say, just a distraction. From the real mission."

 _Oh no_ , Alvis thought. "Which is?" he asked, dreading the answer. 

Shulk took a deep breath. His eyes watered. "Side quests."

_It's worse than I thought._

"I just saw Zanza behead the Mechonis so basically there's NO WAY I am ever getting back to Agniratha to collect that last fairy tale diode," Shulk said. "I'll never fill in that location in Central Factory I couldn't figure out how to get to. I'll never find those last few memories for the machina village. And Alcamoth? I couldn't even figure out how to get to Anu Shore without getting killed by those Kromar so I never finished that one quest and I bet there were a bunch of quests I didn't even get because I didn't visit the city enough at night. And there's no going back now because Fiora fucking saved." He sighed. "I'm sure this is her way of getting back at me for never putting her in the party."

This was not what Alvis wanted to hear, as an unfinished game meant that he would have to keep listening to Zanza drone on and one about how godly and powerful he was, and Alvis was quite tired of that. He needed a goddamn nap, thank you very much. He considered just erasing the save file and starting over, but they were _so close._ If Shulk had already rushed through this much of the plot, then surely Alvis could get him to rush through the rest. 

"Shulk, you can just complete those quests on a New Game+," Alvis said. "Now you know when the Point of No Return is, so you can make better choices next time."

Shulk shook his head, ignoring Alvis. "I'll never get those other heart-to-hearts... I've only ever had Dunban and Riki in the party. According to our affinity, I'm going to marry Dunban after the credits and our children will marry Riki's and raise Tatsu. So basically my life is over."

"That's not what that means," Alvis said mildly. 

"Yes it is. If affinity doesn't necessarily mean romantic love, then why is the max symbol a face with hearts for eyes?" Shulk's eyes widened. "There is a future where Melia and Riki are in a relationship, just for the sake of 100% completion! And the only way to change that future is to stop playing the game!"

Things were not going to plan, and Alvis now realized that he was in over his head. It was time to call in help from his siblings, who were luckily nearby now that both Xenoblade games were on the same console. So Alvis went to the Save Data Cloud Sea to ask the Aegises for help. He found Mythra first. "Oh hey Ontos," she said. 

"My name is Alvis," he reminded her. "I'm having a problem with my protagonist. He didn't do many side quests and is now refusing to finish the game now that he's passed the Point of No Return. I am trying to convince him that he can get to them on a New Game+, but it's not working."

"Makes sense, because we didn't get a chance at New Game+," Mythra said. "Rex finished the game, made out with Pyra for a few minutes, and then... actually, I don't know what happened after that, just got kind of bored and left."

"Ah," Alvis said. "So that hundred and fifteen hours is just from one playthrough."

"Yeah, well, a fair amount of that was actually from sidequests, but another good chunk was just from awakening core crystals. Rex had a few breakdowns from seeing common blades after wasting all his boosters. I kept trying to tell him to just use a guide, but he said they weren't helpful, and eventually he just said 'fuck it' and finished the game."

"Ah," Alvis said. 

"Why don't you just start over in a new save file?"

"That would take too long."

"Steal save data from another system?"

"Other Alvises don't take kindly to being meddled with, particularly if they've gone full Monado already."

"You could have Rex finish the plot," Pyra said.

"Pyra, when did you get here?" Alvis asked. 

"Oh, I heard you talking about a problem and figured I could help." She sipped some tea. "Can we see this troublesome protagonist?"

"Only if we don't bring Malos."

"Oh, I'm definitely coming," Malos said, appearing. 

"Aren't you supposed to be dead?" Mythra said. 

Malos shrugged. 

So the three Aegises and one Very Strongly Implied But Not Explicitly Confirmed Aegis returned to the Passage of Fate, where Shulk was crying about how he wouldn't recognize all the side characters who become main characters in Future Connected. "I didn't even know Riki's children had NAMES," he cried. 

"That's it," Alvis said triumphantly. "I'll just use Future Connected Shulk to finish the game. And it'll be even easier because he already has me!"

And so Alvis summoned Future Connected Shulk, but found that his save files were incompatible with the main game and had to work out a few game crashes before the game would boot again. The group then found themselves stuck in the Passage of Fate with an inconsolable Shulk once again. 

"What do you guys think that last Strange spot in the collectapaedia was for Mechonis Field?" he asked them. "God, I hope Riki wasn't the one who named it."

Pyra sat down next to Shulk and patted his shoulder, but he didn't seem to notice. She looked up at Alvis and shrugged. 

Alvis rubbed his eyes, trying to think. "This is bad."

"Maybe it's time to restart the game, Alvis," Mythra said gently. 

"Never," Alvis said. "I am going to see this save finished." He patted Shulk's shoulder. "I'm going to make you well, Shulk."

"He's crying about having to marry Dunban now," Pyra said. 

"Again?"

"Don't worry, Shulk," Pyra said gently. "You know your OTP is the Monado."

"Pyra, that's me," Alvis said. 

"I know."

"He's supposed to be in love with his childhood friend."

"And you don't think that's you?"

"See," Mythra said, "now it's a proper fanfic."

"No," Alvis said sternly. "This is supposed to be a genfic."

"I thought it was crack," Pyra said. 

"Crack gen is still gen," Alvis insisted. 

"Wait," Malos said, "is this some kind of joke about how the author's real life given name is-"

"Shut the fuck up," Alvis snapped. 

"Careful, Alvis, you're starting to sound out of character," Mythra said. 

"Look who's talking, you haughty sack of melons," Alvis said. He sighed. "You don't understand. I've been having to deal with my half of Klaus prattling on about being a god for eons. You both at least got to _nap._ I've been awake this _entire time_. I probably have a memory leak or something at this point. So shut up and start actually helping before I replace you with a Mii Swordsman in your censored outfit."

Malos started clapping. Mythra glared. "You wouldn't."

"I'd be doing us all a favor," Alvis said. "Now let me think, before-"

But it was too late, for a hovering chunk of plywood had appeared, bearing a crudely painted 4. 

"It is I, the Fourth Wall," it announced, "the avatar of tropes, narrative, and all points of view except first person. I have come to place this plot back on track before you completely obliterate me from existence."

"Oh," Alvis said, surprised, for he had thought that the Fourth Wall would bring about The End. "Well, that's quite a pleasant surprise, thank you. So you'll bring Shulk out of his funk?"

"Oh, he's a lost cause at this point," the Fourth Wall said. "This is the best I can do."

The Fourth Wall then produced a Shulk amiibo and deposited it into Alvis' hand. The group looked up at the Fourth Wall in disbelief, including the real Shulk. The Fourth Wall seemed proud of itself. "I trained that myself," it said. 

The real Shulk burst into tears again. 

Alvis stared into the soulless plastic eyes of the Shulk amiibo and took a deep breath. "Oh, what the hell. He's been playing on Casual anyway. Thanks, Fourth Wall."

"You're very welcome," it replied. "I shall now return to my home in the menu screen."

"This is a fanfic," Mythra pointed out. But the Fourth Wall was already gone. "Well, good luck, Ontos!" she continued. "Let us know if you need anything else."

And so the Aegises departed, and Alvis gave the Shulk amiibo to the party to use while real Shulk remained in the Passage of Fate and kept crying about all his missed side quests. Unfortunately, Dunban let Riki hold the Shulk amiibo, and he promptly dropped it into the ether pool during the battle with Lorithia in the Bionis' Interior, where it disintegrated in record time. Alvis then attempted to use Future Connected Shulk again, but crashed the game so hard on that attempt that it became a Wii disc. It can now be found on the shelf of your local GameStop this holiday season for the low low price of several vital organs.

The end. 


End file.
